i've got this weird hang-up.

hello, blog-world. i've missed you. you've helped me identify a serious issue that i have. the longer i put off something, the harder it is to do. it's this weird paradox that i can't quite figure out. but i've learned that sometimes you just have to take the bull by the horns.

my last post was in june. june was about the time that i was transitioning into events at my job. i was hired to do internal communications and then our company reduced our events and communications teams. no one really told me to take over events. another thing i've learned about myself recently is that i pretty much just "do." if it needs to be done, i just learn and adapt until i can complete it. so, more than being told i needed to "do" events, i just sort of absorbed it. and i love it. but it also has taken so much more of me than i thought it would.

so in the beginning of my newly-self-created position, i thought: wow. i shouldn't blog tonight. i should work. and if i'm not working, i should be hanging with my family. because my hours are long and even when i'm not at work, i'm still at work. and so, i'd skip blogging.

also, when we started blogging, sometimes i would sneak in a good post at work. only now, there's no time for sneaking. again, that curious guilt thing would creep in and say: i've got something really great to share with my little blogspace. only if i were more dedicated to my craft, i wouldn't blog at work, i'd be researching the proper number of chairs for the next big event. that way i could do work at work and then go home and do home at home. that would be great. so i'd skip blogging.

and then, this funny thing happened. i got used to working events and communications and things started coming to me during work hours, and i even took off the little blackberry holster i would sometimes wear to bed (kidding). so it would seem that i would have time to blog. but i would look at this pretty computer and think: now it would be so stupid to blog because i've neglected it so long. i wouldn't even know where to start. and people would know that i'm wishy-washy and can't keep up anything for a long period of time. and they already think i'm not dedicated because i can't daily post like you're supposed to when you commit to this blog-thing. i am a failure...ho, hum and woe is me. and i would skip blogging.

but today, my husband is napping. and my son is listening to some crazy moldovan or celtic music upstairs while painting and my dog is looking out the window. and i have no excuse.

who am i kidding? anyone who reads this post probably has just as many kooky hang-ups as i do, plus they have little kids and much more complicated lives and jobs than i do. really, this blog is for me. it's for me to practice writing so that one day i will be good enough to press print and someone will pay me for the way i string words and place commas or not. also it's for us to connect with people who care about us and who we care for as well so that we have a jumping-off place when we sit down on the patio to visit with you.

to further make my point about this curious guilt that overtakes me: i've been married for about 4 and 1/2 years. when we were wed, people loved us well. gifts came in by the boat-load. we were blessed beyond measure and well-prepared to start our life together. in the beginning of the engagement/gifting period, i wrote thank you notes promptly. there was something so thrilling about putting pen to paper that said "jon and emily."

i continued to do really well until about the month before the wedding. those of you who are married know that this is the time when most showers are thrown, but also, you're down to the wire with wedding planning and house-buying and dress-fittings. and writing thank-you notes is something you just sort of work in to the mix. and i got them all written.

and then jon and i got married and moved into our new house. there was a box-full of notes that i wrote when we were at our old house that i didn't address. this was before google was really good at finding people. it was a safer time, but also a more difficult time to just get things done. in the midst of the move, the box of notes without addresses got packed, but never sent.

about 6 months ago (or so), jon and i rearranged our bedroom. there, underneath a dresser, was the box. when i saw it, i got all queasy. this meant that people that wanted to bless us had gone without that most primal of satisfactions - the satisfaction of being appreciated. i resolved to mail them off to their rightful addresses.

only every time i go to grab that box and do what is right, i can't even touch it. because if i sent the notes now, people would think: wow. 5 years is a long time. i don't even remember what i bought them...did they even mean the thanks behind the note? and so i skip the post office.

as i write this, i know the right thing to do. and by posting it, i have admitted to the whole world that i have a problem. and i can admit to you...hopefully without fear of rejection...that i will mail those notes next weekend. period. i will buy a box of bigger envelopes and put a note in them that tells this story and slap a new stamp on them. and hope that the federal government is more timely than i am.

that feels so, so good. it's not action, but it's the promise thereof and it is good.

so, here i am, mr. blogger. i've missed you. can we talk again tomorrow? oh, you're right. it'll probably be a couple of days.

The Bloodys and The Creeps

So it's been awhile since we've posted a blog - partly because our lives have been so insanely busy this summer and, well, that's probably the reason. I'm sure you're busy, too - so nothing new there...

We've had a great summer - ending in a fantastic vacation in Cancun... there are so many stories to share but I'll let Emily share those when she gets a moment - she' s a way better blogger than I am.

So what transpired on the way to school this morning made me laugh out loud - literally. Dennis doesn't really know why, I'm sure, but I laughed hard. :) Apparently with all the craziness going on in our lives and me having two late work nights in a row for orphans and Emily having a crazy busy week at Opryland, Dennis had some free time to watch History Channel. Now, we debate whether this is okay, but at least its not MTV or something way, way worse. Occasionally he'll see some story on there or the Discovery Channel that says Noah never had an ark or the Bible isn't really true and when he starts to beleive it I tell him - when in doubt, the Bible wins. :) God wrote it and he knows more than the tv. :) But thanks to our internet monitoring we know he's not watching or looking at anything shady - just downloading Celtic music like a mad man. And yes, he says Sell-tick every time even though we tell him it sounds like a K. I want to be upset that he isn't downloading american music to help make him more American, but then there aren't cuss words and booty music with the Celtics. Lord, lord... :)

So we're in the car this morning on the way to NSA (Dennis's arts magnet) and he says... "Do you know there are gangs in Nashville?" I say - "Yes, of course, why do you ask?" So he says... "Well, I saw a big special on History Channel about gangs yesterday. They are bad!" He continues... "First they talked about the "Creeps" in Los Angeles and do you know they just kill people just to prove they are man and to get into the creeps?" (minor laughter at creeps here while I say) - "Crips... like chicken strips." (we have to find rhyming words to get him to realize how to say vowels and he knows I love a good chicken strip.) So he says crips, and we move on - and as usual, the creeps return.

"So these "Creeps" - they broke into this house and killed this mom while she was having her coffee. Just having her coffee! Then killed all her kids except one who was hiding in the closet. If that was me I'd just want to die too," he says. Okay - now I think, counseling is a good idea, but just say, "Uh, huh - that's aweful!" (As I try to listen to traffic and weather together on the Fish in the background - he only tells stories when I'm hoping to hear the traffic on the way to school and work.)

"And there are the "bloodys" -- They're bad, too!" He says. :) (muffled laughter from me - I didn't correct this one - it was too funny.) Then he says, concerning the bloodys, "Can you imagine how stupid these people are! Just stupid! They shot two girls in their car just cause they thought they were the ones that called the police about a drug deal. But it wasn't them! All they knew was the one who told on them was in a red car. Can you imagine how many red cars are in Los Angeles? I mean look - there are two in front of us and we're in Nashville! Then they came back a few days later and killed one of the girl's little brothers playing in front of his house." I was trying to listen intently as the traffic report blazed by and I couldn't distinguish it as Dennis talked louder about the "bloodys." This was the kicker though. Dennis says, "Crazy white people are just maniacs - they don't hang out in groups!" I was in shock. I told him I was going to save that quote and put it somewhere to make me laugh and he says, "Don't put that somewhere, someone will think you're racist." I thought about telling him that I wasn't the one that said it so there were no worries there. But I had to share it with you this morning becuase all of it was just way too funny.

He also informed me that he had seen some of the places in Nashville where they showed the gangs but he couldn't quite figure out how close they were. I told him they might be in our backyard and he better look out. He looked terrified and then laughed it off. But I knew he was slightly concerned. He said that he had seen the club that was on tv one time. I asked - "When did you go clubbing?" He said, "I think we've driven by it." You know, we're always in the club district. :) I informed him that if he couldn't control his worry about things he saw on the History Channel I'd cut that channel off, too. (To save money we recently cut off 100 channels and he was traumatized.) He said that this wasn't scary stuff - this was reality. Hilarious.

So as you're out and about today, look out for random "bloodys" and "creeps" that may be out to get you and just shoot you to show that they are man. I know Dennis will be on the lookout, too. :)

happy endings...and such.

follow up to previous post: the painters finished on FRIDAY. that's 4 days. i'm not going to say it was hellacious...but maybe. after the toilet incident, there was the floor fixer.

the floor fixer put two...count them: two floor gashes (mwah ha ha) at a length of 6 inches in floorboards that were previously untouched by aforesaid flood. and covered them with a MAGIC MARKER. but thankfully he fixed it and the 6 inch holes in the wall and everything. and it's pretty. 

tonight is jon and kate plus eight. and i will be watching. whether i have to commandeer the tv in the living room or be relegated to the bedroom. because really...i need to know that they can work through their issues. 

dennis went to work today with a friend who cleans houses. dennis took one look at the house-to-be-cleaned's playroom which was, to say the least, a disaster, and said, "oh. i don't think jon and emily should have kids. they would not like this at ALL."

i have managed to project my obsessive compulsive tendencies on my son. 

score.