When home just isn't home...

This is a picture of Emily and I leaving Chisinau Friday morning. If we look tired, it's because we survived one of the craziest weeks of our lives and it's 3 in the morning and we're posing for a picture. Dennis needs one more redbull in this picture to fully show you how happy he is to be our son. :) We promise, he smiles. And we promise, he loves him some redbull. Thanks Jamey!

It's official!
We're home.
Back to life... back to reality.
But something just doesn't feel right about home.
For months, we've talked ourselves out of believing that Dennis is truly our son just in case the judge said "no." We would get ready to pick out furniture for his room or pick out paint colors and then stop -- wondering if it was really going to happen. I made Emily watch "Martian Child" because I thought it would be sweet -- about adoption and family and such -- but when the government tried to take the boy away from the new adoptive dad, it made us put on the skids a bit...
But something changed the minute the Moldovan judge said, "His name will be Dennis Merryman. His father shall be Jonathan Merryman and his mother shall be Emily Merryman. The location and date of birth will not change." Something changed inside of each of us...
It would be hard to think that we could feel more connected and more like a family than we did just moments before court - riding around in Moldova at the speed of light with Victor, following crazy Albina making stops and parking illegally all the way to the courthouse... But the moment we heard the ruling we knew our lives would never be the same -- and it made us smile. We had a baby. A big, wonderful 15-year-old boy, Dennis.
There was a lot to process in the few hours we had between court and our 3am cab ride to the airport! We had to make sure Dennis had luggage to pack his things in, make sure he had "allowance" to survive until we came back in February, and we had to prepare to leave our "son" for the first time. When I have gone on mission trips with mothers and fathers before they get so sad when they leave their children. A day or two goes by and they miss their voices. They don't think they can go on without seeing them. Part of me said - "Buck up, people! It's not that long to be away!" But that's how Emily and I feel today. It's been three days and we miss our son.
The jet lag still hits at funny times.
A picture or a thought make us miss our son.
We sit on the couch with the pups wishing Dennis was there - knowing Max and Maggie will love him and hoping he loves them back. :)
We think of all he will get to experience for the first time.
We think of all he's experienced as an orphan that we wish we could take away.
We wish we could sit and have tea together.
We wonder if we will make it to February.
We miss Dennis.

So for now we pray and look forward to all the fun, challenging, exciting, and crazy times we will have as new parents of a 15-year-old when we pick him up and bring him home in February. Thank you for continuing to pray for us and for Dennis. We can't wait for each of you to meet him.

it's a boy

i feel like i've been in labor. i know i haven't, and i know that until i have a baby, i won't know what that's like, but today has been one of the most painful, beautiful, maddening days i've ever had.

this morning, we were ready for court at 8:30. we were taken to the courthouse for a 10:00 hearing, only to be taken to court at 9:15. remember that all week, everything has been 2 hours LATER than we've been told, so this was really weird.

the hearing was so painful. we knew that in order to adopt dennis, the child protection services rep would have to explain dennis's situation. that meant saying out loud that dennis's mom is an alcoholic, and that she'd abandoned him. in america, we tend to gloss over things, even when we're being truthful. we probably would have said, she has an issue with alcoholism, and is unable to care for her child well. not in moldova. they just flat out say that she up and left her child. that's when i lost it. i kept thinking, dear God, please, if we're not his family, there must be one for him somewhere.

they continued to plead our case, since it was so "different." we are so young, and he is so old. they told the judge about his sister, who is already in america, and how they needed to be together. this went on and on.

finally, the judge announced the finding of the court. and this is what he said. "the birth certificate will be changed to dennis merryman. the parents will be jonathan merryman and emily merryman. the birthdate and place will remain the same." not, congratulations, you're parents. not, congratulations, you have a home. but the government will recognize you as the parents of this child, and his name will be changed.

one funny thing - the judge did get a bit upset because we wanted his full name to be Dennis Morozov Merryman, so that we could honor his heritage, and maintain his last name as his middle. in moldova, they don't have middle names. the judge said, this is illegal to have two last names. you must choose one. and in that moment, i think i knew that it was real. dennis would be a merryman forever more - he was ours.

anyway, the day progressed, consisting of the following: 1 hour in the parking lot of a baby orphanage inside a car with no heat (it's 30 degrees today); 15 minutes of sitting outside a grocery store while someone took our money to buy MORE cake for the orphanage to celebrate with; 45 minutes of searching for dennis's mother's house, and finding she was not home; 2 hours in a french coffee shop in downtown chisinau telling dennis about algebra II; 2 hours waiting in a fancy restaurant for everyone else to get there; 2 hours of eating foreign food in the fanciest room in moldova; 1 hour of explaining things like "allowance," "car insurance," and "airplanes."

it's been a long day. i have seen more of an un-american government than i care to. and i have a son. a precious son, who ordered tiramisu at a restaurant just because i said it was my favorite.

thank you all for praying and thinking of us during this time. i can't wait until you all can meet my beautiful 15-year-old.

The Judge Said Yes!

Well, it has been a crazy day, and for a country where time doesn't seem to matter to anyone, court started early. :) 45 minutes early! And while there were tough times, and tough questions about how young we are and how old dennis is, the judge recommended the adoption. :) YAY! We had wonderful people fighting for us -- especially an amazing woman - Tamara from Child Protection - who spoke on our behalf. Denis's official new name will be Dennis Merryman. Cool, huh? He gets to add an "n" to Dennis so people don't call him Denise. :) We tried to make Morozov his middle name - but the judge says that is silly - he can't have two last names. So for now, just 2 names for Dennis - Dennis Merryman. :) We told him he could add "chuck" as his middle name, but he didn't think that sounded good... :) maybe bob... we'll see...

We went to the french coffee shop to celebrate and ran into a friend from Nashville - Bekah Beasley! Just one table over! Then we went to a nice restaurant - Pani Pit - and waiting for 2 hours for all of the parties to show up. We had a wonderful celebration with the adoption folks, Ms. Galnia - the director of Internat #2, and the other American family who were approved for the adoption of their 14-month-old boy Marin. It has been a long, exhausting day but all is well and we are finishing up last minute details and making sure Dennis is set for the time being - we'll be back in Moldova mid-February it looks like to pick him up and bring him home. 

So even with all the stress, the uncertainty, and the crazy drivers who made us fear for our lives -- we are a family. The situation is definitely unique -- as the judge told us -- but we know that it's okay to have 2 moms. It's okay to have lost your dad and to have a new dad. Family doesn't have to fit into some kind of mold that we create. And after 4 years of writing, loving, supporting, and praying for this amazing young man, he is our son.

God is amazing and if I would have tried to map out his plan for our family 4 years ago or even 2 and a half years ago when we got married, there is no way we could have guessed that God would bring us together. But as we look back, every word of this story has been written by God since the beginning of time.

I have to go shove tons of dirty clothes into a suitcase now -- so thank you for praying... We can't wait for you to meet Dennis soon.

Noapte Buna. :) (good night)

jon, emily, and dennis merryman

waiting for victor

i'm beginning this post knowing that at any moment, i will have to sign off. i am in a house in chisinau, moldova, trying to adopt a son. we are waiting on a driver/translator who will take us to an orphanage to do something. mostly, we wait and do what the agency tells us to do. it isn't often that we know what that is before we get anywhere.

the best part of being here is that we've spent a lot of time with dennis. we've gotten to teach him monopoly, which when you think of it, is a great way to introduce america. you get to buy things, run out of money and borrow money from the bank. we also introduced him to mexican food, which exists even in eastern europe. he loves fajitas. here, the people bring them out on sizzling pans, just like in america, only they dump some kind of alcohol on them and light them on fire. his eyes got enormous. we can't wait to take him to a japanese steak house. can you imagine what will happen when they spin the egg on the hibachi and then light the whole thing up?

and while it's novel to hang out with your (hopefully) soon-to-be-son, it's kind of disconcerting, too. you notice your language and your facial expressions, and you have to speak really good English, because you are an example. that's probably the most overwhelming thing that i've felt - that someone is watching me like a hawk, just to figure out how to be an american. and i want him to be a good american.

i notice the things that we'll have to work on, like cell phone etiquette, and patience. and i think of the things he'll teach me, like patience and honesty and dependence.

we've taken him into town alone, just the three of us, for two nights now. the funny thing is, he has to take care of us, because he speaks the language. he has to get our taxis and order our food and get our bowling shoes and get our coats from the coat check. how strange it will feel in about a month when we have to do all that for him.

i can't wait to be a mom. i can't wait to be the wife of a dad. and i can't wait until tomorrow, when hopefully we will learn that dennis will legally be our son.

i'm on pins and needles.

All Systems Stand By!

So yesterday was a good day... It started out with no power but then the IMB kicked it in with the generator and all was well. I could see to fix my hair and brush my teeth and emily could use the blow dryer. :) We slept late and were then whisked off to a Bulgarian food restaurant. It was the choice of our translator. He was not paying, we were. It was the most expensive restaurant I have ever been to. Move over Radius 10! But we survived and had a great dinner and then went speeding off with Albina. She is crazy and our translator/pastor/betesda orphanage director called her a "car killer." Hilarious! She sped through town, illegally parked us in front of the flower market, grabbed some flowers, threw them to me to hold, sped off to the grocery store, illegally parked blocking in a very angry man who yelled at us in a foreign tongue to which I replied "Sorry - Amerikanski!" Then she ran out hopped in the car and we arrived at the Child Protective Services dept. We met some very nice women who know and love Dennis and who are supportive of what we are doing. The head of the dept. said we were brave and she wished us God's granting of health and patience. :) 
Then we went back to the team house and met up with Dennis for a night of bowling and fun before playing Monopoly with Jamey, Liz and Amelia. Dennis is competitive - so is Jamey. :) That is what we have learned. :) Then Emily and I walked back to the team house in the fluffy, slushy snow. 
The good news is, the Child Protection folks gave us their blessing. Ms. Galena at the orphanage gave us her blessing. Everything is going well. We are being whisked off again this morning in 15 minutes to go to the orphanage and as usual have no idea why. But we'll find out! 
Court is tomorrow morning at 10am - that's 2am Thursday am for your amerikanskis. :) If anyone wants to wake up and pray, it would be much appreciated. :) While we have heard court is somewhat of a formality, everything rests on this judge's decision. We did find out that the judge said our ages were not a problem, Dennis just has to write a letter stating he wants to be part of our family. :) We can't tell you enough how sweet he is - how mature - how good his english is getting and how much fun it has been to see him eat fajitas for the first time -- his eyes got so big when they lady lit them on fire at our table! I can't wait to take him to Shogun. :)
Anyway, off to Internat #2 orphanage. Thank you each for your love and support! We'll update you soon!

jon and emily

Learning the Moldovan Way

I thought the best way to update everyone on our adoption process would be to post this. It's my first note-posting so bear with me. :) Emily and I arrived in Moldova on Saturday night to a warm greeting from Jamey, Liz, Amelia and Dennis. Our adoption contact - Albina - was late, drove way too fast, and dropped us off at dinner after just a few minutes of information. Then we spent time with our friends and had pasta at a restaurant called "steak and pasta." Creative, huh? Sunday was had a little family conference and then went to God's Design church for their Sunday service. It was really fun. Dennis said the following: "I love serving at the church -- it's not work. It's working for God - that's different. " He also said: "Saturday night there is a cafe - lots of drunk people come off the streets. I like to be part of the group that talks to them and shares God with them. Sometimes they come in drunk and leave with God in their hearts." He is a bright, sweet, caring boy and we can't wait to bring him home. 
Today we woke up and were driven around very fast. We went by the court and the judge was busy so we went and met with Ms. Galina - the principal at the orphanage where Dennis goes to school. She knows us well from our work here with Rolling Hills and was glad to see us. We brought her some harry and david chocolates from Orpy Mills. She was a very happy woman. We saw lots of pictures of her daughter's wedding and laughed a lot. She approves of our adoption and told us how it would be when we got home - we would write her and write her and write her and then visit. And she wants to visit us. :)
Then we came back to the team house where we are staying and took a nice nap. I woke up craving a big mac and fries - which I never do in the states - so I called a cab. That was funny and took a long time, but it worked. We went shopping at the grocery store and then hailed a cab back. Dennis is visiting his mother tonight so we are just relaxing at the team house.
We should go to court on Thursday, so tomorrow and wednesday don't look very eventful. We'll go visit the kids at the orphanage that we know from camp, spend more time with dennis, and pray thursday goes well! Then we'll head back on Friday. Actually, we'll head to family Christmas in Missouri on Friday, but that is another story!
Just wanted to update you all - we would love your prayers this week! It is a very interesting court system and we don't even want to know all that is going on. We just smile and nod and let our friends here take care of it, and take care of us. Dennis is excited about America and we are excited about America with Dennis. Another update soon.

Blessings --
jon (and emily)

i'm fulfilled

i’m fulfilled

so, i have a new job. and i never imagined anything could ever possibly be better than working for a non-profit. only the thing is, that even though i work for "the man," i can now more easily go to bed knowing that i've helped someone.

this week, we had an event where, basically, the higher-ups ("bosses," if you will) serve food and chat with everyone else. and i had to man a station because, well, when you're in an EVENTS and COMMUNICATIONS position, you have to go to the EVENTS and COMMUNICATE them. so i spent three hours in the company cafeteria and ran the "guess the weight of the giant pumpkin" game and took employees' lunch trays and generally greeted everyone by first name as if my job depended on it (i'm pretty sure it does).

i got bored running the pumpkin game. even though a group of employees got together and thought they'd pick it up to figure out the weight...thereby almost knocking the 110 lb. pumpkin onto a woman's table...or her head, i'm not sure which.

so i went to collect people's trays and take them to the tray return (which is exactly what you're picturing, the thing that carries your mess to the people that are paid to clean it up). and i went over to a table of two housekeepers. i said, "may i take your trays?"

and one said, "i'm not done."

but the other, she said, "do you really WANT to do that?"

and i said, "it would be my pleasure."

she said, "no one's ever done anything like that for me in my life."

and i said, "well, i'm happy to."

and i did it. and it pretty much made my life. i mean, come on. i got to make some one's day...and get paid for it. not bad. and one nice little housekeeper, she got to save a couple of steps.

i love my job. already.

hard work

today was ADOPTION TUESDAY. which luckily coincides with election tuesday here in nashville. jon and i got up (relatively) early, even though we both had taken the day off. we had to go to our beloved doctor, Dr. Holmes, to get checked out.

i was pretty nervous about this visit, because there's been this guy on tv who was too fat to adopt. granted, he weighs 500 pounds. but, i thought, maybe the rules have tightened since fat people can die young and all. but, luckily, we both got "good" ratings from Dr. Holmes, and were cleared for the next step.

we then attended the first three of thirty required hours of pre-adoption eduction. we went to a phenomenal class that quite frankly freaked me out. it was called, "nurturing boys," and it was scary, scary, scary. don't get me wrong. it was the most my brain has absorbed in at least 4 years. we learned all about the development of boys. i have never thought more highly of my friends who are parents of boys than in the two hours i was at the class. boys are complicated and complex, and i don't know how on earth i am going to raise one.

after a brief lunch, we went to get fingerprinted, where you think of everything you've done, and whether or not your prints were left behind a place that could have been later investigated, CSI style, for a crime.

and then we had to go to the police dept. to figure out if we had a record in nashville. luckily, we're clear.

finally, feeling scared out of my gourd, i went to vote for nashville's mayor. except the mayoral election is now a BDD to me. i mean, i'm about to have a kid in the nashville metro school system. and i certainly care about everything a mayor can or can't do for a city. so, with shaking hands, i pushed the red vote button and prayed that others had voted not in their own interests, but in those of their kids. because their kids and my kid will be classmates and even best friends, and i really need the schools to be good.

anyway, i'm feeling pretty weighted down with the idea of being a parent. to all that may read this who are parents - i don't know how you do it. and i don't really feel worthy to do what you do, especially since we're picking up where someone else left off. but i feel like i'll bet you feel - that it's all worth it in the end, that you'll figure it all out when you're in the middle of it, and that God really will not give us more than we can handle.

new addition...

We have been really busy lately...with home and work...and adoption. Yep...we're expecting. A 14-year-old. He'll be 15 in November. And he's amazing. And we're thrilled...and nervous...and anxious.

Denis lives in Moldova. He goes to Internaut 2 (that's an orphanage). He loves math, science and reading. He loves to play what I think is a baritone. He's adorable. And I'm pretty sure that God wants him to be part of our family. He already is, really.

Denis, along with his friends Gleb and Yuri (that's the American spelling) have been our sponsor-kids for about 3 years. This year, when Jon and I visited Moldova, we both felt that God was asking us to make a bigger commitment to each other and to Him by being obedient. Even though we're not really even old enough to be Denis's caretakers. Even though we can't always balance the checkbook or keep up with the laundry (that's me), or always have a real dinner that doesn't consist of take out or cheese and crackers. We don't even know if Denis will end up in our home. We do know, though, that if we're obedient in taking the step, we're doing what He wants us to. And that makes us pretty excited.

Yesterday, I was walking out of the movie theater, and there were all of these kids, and I automatically thought, "wow. I'm going to have one of those really soon. YAY!" Crazy, huh?

So anyway...just wanted to keep you posted. We're adopting.

it starts...

so we're joining the bandwagon. this is our first attempt at family blogging, so bear with us. we have two dogs, max and maggie, and a house in nashville. that about rounds us out.

there's nothing really exciting about us, but we are pretty busy, and at times, we can be pretty funny. we're not very funny when we're very busy, unless we're delirious, and then we're hilarious...

recently, we returned from 11 days in Chisinau, Moldova. i think we both found our hearts there. jon's been 7 times; i've been twice. last time i went was not so good, but jon convinced me to give it one more go, and i think i had a better time there than at a luxury resort.

don't get me wrong - it wasn't about comfort. cold showers, no showers, 100 degree weather and no a/c...hawaii, it ain't. but i found purpose there...a reason to live that i haven't found yet. somehow, the sleep that comes on foam mattresses after holding children who don't regularly get hugs is very, very sweet. and the words exchanged when you don't know the language mean a whole lot more than normal.

so that wasn't very funny. but it's pretty raw. hope everyone is well!

leaving on a jet plane

27 Jun 2007


leaving on a jet plane...
Current mood: anxious

so i'm off to a foreign country in two days. i am going to offer help to the helpless and a hundred other cliches. i have been battling myself over my "call" to do this for sometime. like my mom said, i've only convinced myself this week that i'm going.

i really am excited. i struggle, though, with the idea that i will be loving on kids who, when i leave, and when all the other well-meaning teams leave, will be left with not much. a tote bag with a memory verse; some new english slang; a fresh admonition to stay away from fifty cent. what will i leave with them? will God speak through me, loudly enough, that when teamed with the voices of a hundred other people, that a child will not allow herself to be trafficked into the sex trade? will i be able to stifle my not-to-well-hidden urge to yak when faced with the...unique...smells of this land in favor of showing that i appreciate a culture in a place that so desperately needs to be thought of as "western?"

i feel like i am learning the meaning of faith. that faith is more than knowing God offers a better life than I have, but knowing that He has a plan for those orphans. i struggle when i hear the all-american, Dave Ramsey answer that "God doesn't want harm for you, so stop using credit cards," that he means that to have this American life, full of "fulfillment," which always means wealth - I don't care who you are - is not the life that I hope for my orphan boys in Moldova. i want them to know love. i want them to know that even a little is more than enough. that the goal is to be better than you were yesterday. that i want them to make a difference, and i will do what it takes to help them make that difference?

but do i believe that? i don't know. i believe that i WANT to be better than i was yesterday - otherwise, why am I going to this hot, tiring, lovely place? i want to make a difference. but again, i want the best. i want to make a LASTING difference, and i have to believe that somehow, my being with these kids will show them the love of Christ. will show them that a sacrifice is worth it - that love is worth the sacrifice.

and, if i'm willing to show the love of Christ to those that don't even speak my language, why is it so hard to be loving in the fast lane of I-65?