Here's a story I haven't told

well, i'm on a roll. i went through my phone photos and I have plenty to talk about.

This is a picture of the sweet hill supper. The sweet folks in our church decided to build a grill in memory of my dad. They dedicated it at the supper and surprised my mom.

Jess and I knew, of course, because we had to get my mom there.

This was such a fitting tribute to my dad. He was always happiest behind a grill. It didn't matter whose it was, or what he was grilling, he loved it. He and mom even drove to Nashville to christen our new grill. I think he was afraid it might never know a grill master unless he cooked on it.

Such happy memories!

I'm so thankful for a church that loved my dad and continues to minister to my family. It's such a great demonstration of the body of Christ.

a day to write. finally.

i recently turned 33. a palindrome. and it wasn't much fun.

my life in a sentence: i'm never exactly where i thought i would be at any given moment.

i don't know why i think this way. honestly i don't. nothing in the last 10 years has been what i would call "normal," but really, whose life is?

i've been looking back over some old journals and things lately and it's been so funny to really see how much i've changed and how much i've remained the same.it's that last part that is so hard. remaining the same. i so want to be BETTER.

i've been dealing with comparison lately as well. i really feel like this is the crux of what is wrong with 99% of people i know (self included). comparing yourself and your life to that of others makes you feel wrong. i'm wrong because i'm not like ______. there's trouble because i don't have babies yet. it's bad that my house isn't as big as theirs. my job doesn't make me turn cartwheels like hers does. but i have a tendency to miss life when i'm thinking like that.

i'm me. i have an a-MAZ-ing husband. i can cook a mean pork tenderloin. i have a family that loves me despite any shortcomings i think i have. i have really great friends (that i don't see often enough). i live close to a taco truck. i have an apple green ottoman.

i'm reading and re-reading one thousand gifts by Ann Voskamp. it is about finding joy every single day and being grateful for everything, even the crappy things. i don't think she uses the word crap, but it speaks to my heart. in it, she talks about loss and even being thankful for that.

i continue to work through the dennis situation and this is the way i'm working though it. by being thankful. thankful for meeting him and thankful for mothering him and thankful for losing him. not grateful that i have a hole in my heart, but grateful for the lessons God is teaching me through it.

i continue to work through the loss of my dad in the same way. i'm thankful for his life on earth and i'm thankful for his death. ALL is grace and i will glorify the Father in the midst of it all.

i also found a post this morning from john piper, sharing the story of ian and larissa, a couple that decided to get married even after his tragic, life-altering accident. do me a favor (although i suspect that it will reward you), and read and watch their story HERE.

i am in awe of the blessing of marriage in my own life, and was once again reminded that when you get married, it is to further the kingdom of Christ above all else. i am so thankful for jon and his leadership of our family.

that was alot, i know. i am grateful to come out from a dry spell.

Memories and perspective

So tonight I got to "chaperone" pledge week activities. And that brought back a million memories.

I went to a private Christian university. As such, we didn't have national sororities. But we have "social clubs" which are the equivalents. Without the hefty dues. And being a part of that system was a really great part of my college experience. It truly taught me social graces. It taught me to value female friendships. It gave me some of the greatest female friendships I will ever have.

But watching those activities tonight reminded me of a couple of things I would have told my 18-year-old self.

1. it's not about you.
2. It's not as funny as you think it is.
3. It's not as bad as you think it is.
4. Soak it up.

Come to think of it, these are things my 32-year-old self could take to heart. Perspective is something that I think we all lack at any given time. Tonight gave me a little of that and as always, I'm grateful for the lesson.

Not willing to let a year go by....

i'm pretty stubborn. i know. it surprises even me sometimes.

There are more than a few reasons why I haven't blogged in awhile. I've recently realized that the pain of Dennis leaving was kind of a lot. As an adoptive mom, it's pretty hard to deal with the idea that you chose a child and he didn't choose you back. In fact, he un-chose. Negating my own choice. And I just have to accept it and accept myself. And accept him all over again in a way that I didn't expect.

And as far as writing about it? I am learning that it is more gratifying to write the bad, but ever so much easier to write the good. It was easy and fun to share the tale of an older international adoption that we were sure would turn out well. Sharing our shortcomings as parents? Not so fun.

But. Life goes on. I have a fabulous job that is rewarding in ways I'd never expect. That is definitely a post for another day, but the basics are that I raise money for students at an institution that built me. And it came along at such a perfect time - God's time.

That house we closed on a year ago last week? it's still a work in progress but we are settling in. It's home and I'm grateful every day that we live here. It is a gigantic blessing to live so close to my mom. We see one another pretty frequently. We share meals and laughs and tears. And you don't realize that sharing is a gift. it used to take weeks to plan to share a meal. And now? Sometimes we don't even plan it. Ditto for living closer to my sister. I'm beyond grateful for the time we spend being adult sisters.

And since i last posted...Jon has transitioned into a completely new role. We both work at Ouachita, and when I tell you that this is a miracle, I promise I'm not being dramatic. It has been a year of learning God's sovereignty.

Thanks for letting me do the quickie update on the last 364 days. More to come.